THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
