Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
