I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
