I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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