There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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