did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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