Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
