Someone shit on the floor
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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