We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
