Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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