If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
