He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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