Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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