The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
