It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i now understand why vodka
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
