who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
