You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
