you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wish my penis had a tongue
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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