Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
