I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
