The brown eye won't let me do that either.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
