When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
