Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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