I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
