When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
there was a trapeze. enough said
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
