i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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