we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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