I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize