How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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