I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Holy shit dude........stairs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
