He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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