Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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