Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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