My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
