I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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