And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
