dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
