wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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