I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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