Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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