I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
