Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
