I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
