If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
