Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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