last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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