john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
please don't ironically join a cult
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