she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
