well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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