So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
