"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
