Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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