Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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