I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
