Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
