she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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