I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i think i just lost a toe
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
