Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
