I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize