I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
sex in a hospital.. check
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
