We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
