You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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