We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
