I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
