I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
