I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
