You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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