you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize