remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
