she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
