i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
