I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
