Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
