I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
