the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
