he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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