Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
