I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
