Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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