so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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