I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
