I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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