Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
