Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize