So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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