she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I look better un-naked...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize