A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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