Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
