We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
