Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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