Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize