the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
