Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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