I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
