i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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