We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize