Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
