Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
