Plan B is the new Plan A
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize