So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You ate ashes out of my bong
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
