I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
