he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
