Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
