You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
